By 6:30 every morning, Aishatu (not her real name) is already on her way to work.
Before stepping out, the mother of four has prayed Fajr, cooked breakfast, prepared her children for school, and arranged for her younger sister to watch over them. Then she heads to a filling station, where she works to keep her family afloat.
By the time she returns home around 3 p.m. or 4 p.m., another shift begins: cooking again, checking on the children, and planning how to stretch the little money she has earned.
“Handling this has never been easy,” she said quietly. “But Alhamdulillah, I keep striving.”
For years, she says, this has been her routine, carrying alone the responsibilities of raising four children while receiving little or no support from their father.
Her story reflects the reality of many women whose struggles remain unseen: mothers navigating financial hardship, emotional strain, community stigma, and the invisible weight of keeping families together when support systems fail.
A Burden She Says She Never Chose
Aishatu is raising four children between the ages of nine and 16.
She said that after separating from her husband, the children initially stayed with him. But after some time, they came to visit her and never returned. They have now been living with her for about six years.
Currently, she lives in her father’s house with the children.
“I did not pray for this situation,” she said. “But I found myself in it.”
To support them, she combines low-income work at a filling station with a small home business selling chin-chin and snacks.
Sometimes, she said, children in the neighbourhood buy from her, and she gathers the little money she earns to pay school fees and buy food.
“I feed them, clothe them, and do everything for them,” she said. “What else can I do? I am a mother.”
When Marriage Became Survival
According to her, the struggle began long before the separation.
She recalled a period in the marriage when her husband was not providing for the family, even while she was pregnant with their youngest child.
At the time, she said, a women’s support group helped her start a small masa business by providing start-up materials such as frying pans, oil and rice to be repaid gradually.
She said income from that business became the family’s lifeline.
Sometimes, she added, they ate only once a day.
“There was no food in the house,” she said. “The children still had to eat.”
She also recounted a period when rent went unpaid and their belongings were thrown outside the house, forcing her to return to her father’s home with the children.
Seeking Help, Facing Stigma
Exhausted by the pressure, she said she once sought help through Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), a mediation process often used in family conflicts.
But instead of relief, she said the experience left her feeling blamed and misunderstood.
According to her, her husband’s version of events made her appear unreasonable for complaining about lack of support.
Afterward, she said, some of his relatives mocked her for taking marital issues outside the home.
“They called me shameless,” she said. “Such words are very painful.”
Beyond financial struggle, she says judgment from society has been one of the deepest wounds.
People sometimes ask why she keeps “her husband’s children” with her, she said, or why she does not leave them with their father.
But for her, motherhood is not negotiable.
“For someone like me with two girls, I cannot just leave them anywhere,” she said.
Different Women, Same Burden
Samira Yerima Askira said balancing motherhood, work, and business requires discipline, sacrifice, and constant planning.
A wife, mother, and entrepreneur, Samira said her day often begins at 5 a.m. with prayers before preparing her children for school and getting ready for work.
After closing from formal work in the afternoon, she would proceed to her business before returning home to continue family responsibilities.
“I make a conscious effort to set my priorities clearly,” she said.
She described fatigue and lack of rest as some of the greatest challenges women face while trying to succeed both at home and at work.
Samira said she eventually resigned from her former job to focus more on family and business.
According to her, financial independence is one of the most important ways women can gain stability.
The Mental Health Cost of Carrying It Alone
Hassana Danyerwa said many women silently struggle under emotional and financial burdens.
“Carrying family burdens alone whether financial or emotional can overwhelm women to the point of excessive stress, depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems,” she said.
According to Danyerwa, when partners, families, and communities fail to support women, exhaustion deepens and children are often affected too.
“Whatever affects a mother, directly or indirectly affects the child,” she said.
She added that when communities stigmatise struggling women instead of helping them, it increases isolation and emotional distress.
“It takes a village to raise a child,” she said. “But when the community becomes the source of stigma, it shows women how alone they are.”
The Children as Strength
Despite the hardship, Aishatu says her children remain her greatest source of joy.
“My children are my biggest support,” she said. “Being with them makes me happy.”
She recalled how, when the children were not living with her, she constantly worried whether they had eaten, whether they were safe, and whether they were being cared for.
Now, even though money is still tight, she says peace comes from having them close.
“No matter how little I give them, I feel contented that we are together.”
What Women Need
Danyerwa said women in difficult situations need safe spaces where they can speak openly without shame, as well as practical support from families, partners, and communities.
“Women should know they are human and don’t have to carry all the responsibilities alone,” she said.
For Aishatu, the request is simpler.
“What we need is support and understanding,” she said. “Not judgment.”
Then she looked toward the room where her children were gathered and added:
“There is no way you can separate a mother from her child.”
